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Friday, May 8, 2009

National Day of Prayer


Yesterday was the National day of Prayer in the U.S. but fortunately Obama unlike his predecessor did not make a big fuss about the event.

This of course outrages wingnuts who refuse to accept that religion is a personal choice not a national duty, but at least one SANE preacher, the Rev. C. Welton Gaddy, president of the Interfaith Alliance is quoted saying “President Obama is not the pastor in chief of the nation” Amen Brother!

Can you imagine God picking up his voice mail last night? All that righteous indignation, whining and incoherent thought must have been quite a challenge to tolerate all in one sitting. So because I'm not an American and to show a little consideration I saved mine for today. I guess being all powerful means having a strong stomach too. Geez tough job!


Dear higher entity/entities of indeterminate or neutral genders please heed my prayer. If you really exist and are not too busy listening to the grovelling of your faithful, please smite someone on my list. You know, The LIST!

I'm not quite sure where I’ve left the list but surely with your reported omniscience you can find it. Maybe you would be so kind as to leave it someplace more obvious when you’re finished with it? Excuse the penmanship and just highlight anyone you can’t make out so I can fix it for next time.

While not imperative maybe you could make the smiting a little bit flashy like a lightening strike, being torn apart by wild dogs or an exploding head like in Scanners! Car crashes are so blasé


P.S. plz ignore any requests to smite me, they are obviously just clerical errors.

Amen.


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1 comment:

RevDave said...

I believe it was Jesus himself who said,

"Whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, because they love to pray while standing in synagogues and on street corners so that people can see them. Truly I say to you, they have their reward. But whenever you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father, who sees in secret, will reward you” (Matthew 6:5-6).

Not that wingnuts care overmuch about the words of Christ, of course.